


Of late nights and lost dreams

by xcinnx



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Very Very Sappy, a lil angst, a lil dramatic, how do you even tag, i love renjun too much, i love renmin, i swear it gets better, jaemin is sad, not really - Freeform, okay a lOT dramatic, renminrise2018, so does markhyuck, sorry - Freeform, squint to see them, the story title is sappy yiKEs, yuwin appears for like 2 seconds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 22:43:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14703972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xcinnx/pseuds/xcinnx
Summary: Jaemin is slowly giving up and thinks that his dream is a lost cause and Renjun tries hard to prove him wrong.





	Of late nights and lost dreams

**Author's Note:**

> This was rushed out and probably not that well thought out so please forgive me. This also happens to be my first fanfic ever so again there might be very glaring mistakes i missed im sorry. I hope you like it !! 
> 
> i love renmin so much scream with me on twitter: @xCinndayyx

Jaemin trudges out of the staff office, replaying the words in his head.

“Jaemin, I don’t think you’re cut out for this,” his teacher had said, a stern expression on her face as she stared at him. He looked down, refusing to break down in front of this person that had just single-handedly crushed all his dreams. 

Jaemin wanted to be a nurse, he still does. He knows the struggles he has to go through, especially since he’s a boy doing nursing. He knows the prejudice he might face, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Every word cuts deep into his heart, sharpened claws gripping onto his dreams and refusing to let go and it hurts. It hurts so much. “I’m sorry Miss,” Jaemin mumbles, nails digging painfully into his palm, leaving crescent shaped indents. His teacher simply sighs, crossing her arms as she tells him to see her tomorrow instead. He straightens his back, bows and calmly walks out.

Jaemin rushes to the nearest washroom, locking himself in one of the stalls. Fat, ugly tears roll down his face as he sobs silently to himself, one hand clasped around his mouth and the other gripping onto his jeans tightly. Jaemin watches his knuckles turn white. All the bottled up feelings of sadness and anger comes crashing into him like a huge tidal wave, and Jaemin is too weak and small to stop it. They drown him, pulling him under into the darkness. His heart weeps for its owner.

“Baby? Nana? Are you in here?” A voice calls his name carefully, as if he were trying to entice a deer yet scared of it running away.  _ Renjun,  _ Jaemin furiously wipes at his tears, trying to calm himself down. “Yeah?” His voice cracks and Jaemin prays to the gods above that Renjun doesn’t notice. 

Renjun of course notices, because its his  _ boyfriend _ . He furrows his eyebrows, already thinking of ways to murder someone and get away with it because  _ no one is hurting Jaemin on his watch  _ when the lock clicks open and Jaemin steps out slowly. His eyes are red-rimmed and his cheeks are red from excessive rubbing and Renjun’s heart breaks at the sight. His first reaction is to rush to Jaemin and scoop him up in his arms and give him all the love the world can offer but he holds himself back. He holds himself back because Jaemin looks so so sad but so guarded and his eyes look just like that of a frightened deer, constantly darting from left to right but never looking straight at him. 

“The guys are waiting for us,” he tests the waters. Jaemin nods, looking very dazed and unfocused. “Let’s go then,” he says, walking out of the washroom. Renjun shakily lets out a breath, rushing to catch up with his boyfriend.

 

-

 

“Hey Nana are you o- OW!!” 

Jaemin is shaken out of his thoughts by Donghyuck’s loud shriek as he slaps away the hand Renjun used to pinch him. He vaguely registers Renjun glaring at Donghyuck menacingly and Donghyuck glaring back just as fiercely. His eyes flicker down to his food, pushing bits and pieces of it around on the plate absentmindedly.

Renjun hisses at Donghyuck, indirectly gesturing to Jaemin with his eyes. Donghyuck finally gets the hint, laughing a little too loud as he blabbers on about his classes. Renjun steals a glance at Jaemin, taking in the way Jaemin fiddles with his food, not actually eating any of it. His heart clenches painfully, Donghyuck’s loud obnoxious laughter doing nothing to soothe his worries. In the bustling bright cafe, Renjun feels Jaemin slowly slipping through his fingers and he feels so helpless.

 

-

 

They step out of the cafe as the sun disappears beyond the horizon. Jaemin shivers slightly as the cold wind nips at his exposed skin. Donghyuck and Chenle chatter on excitedly as their group of 7 head off for the arcade. Noticing how Jaemin is purposely lagging behind the rest of them, Renjun slows down his strides, catching up to him. Before he can even utter a word, Jaemin says,”Guys, I think I’m gonna go home.” All 7 of them whip around to stare. “You sure?” Jeno frowns. Jaemin nods, uncharacteristically quiet. 

“I’ll walk you home,” Renjun goes to take his bag from Jeno.

“No it’s okay, I’ll walk home myself, it’s not too far.”

“Nana are you sure-”

“I am.”

Jaemin smiles slightly, which to everyone looks more like a grimace, before turning and walking away. Renjun stares after him, chewing his lip unconsciously. Donghyuck shrugs, one hand gripping Mark’s arm as he drags him forward. “Let’s go then,” he says. Renjun looks back one more time before he reluctantly drags his feet forward, following behind Donghyuck.

 

-

 

At the arcade, surrounded by all the flashing lights and excited screams and cries of children and teenagers, Renjun can’t help but think of how happy and excited Jaemin would get when he plays arcade games. Mid-way through shooting down hordes of zombies, Renjun drops his gun.

“Renjun!!” Jeno shrieks, as the zombie horde closes in.

“I’m going to go find him,” Renjun dashes off without a word, almost as if he is in a trance.

“Huang Renjun!!!” Jeno shrieks, trying his best to shoot down all the zombies. He dies horribly in the end. Huffing, Jeno watches Renjun leave.

“Ahh, true love.”

“Shut it, Donghyuck.”

 

-

 

_ 2.23am _

Jaemin sits cross-legged on his bed, surrounded by his blankets and the endless moomin soft toys Renjun brings but forgets to take home. He hugs one close to his chest, absentmindedly stroking it. 

_ I don’t think you’re cut out for this _

_ I don’t think you’re cut out for this _

_ I don’t think- _

Jaemin hugs the moomin plushie tighter as sobs spill out of him, each one more heart-breaking than the previous. He digs his nails into the plushie, burying his face in it as he cries his heart out, tears running down his face. 

_ Ding! _

His phone lights up with a notification. Shakily he grips it, checking the message.

Junnie: hey im outside your house

Nana: You’re wHAT

Junnie: lets go out, ill wait for you

Nana: what the hell injun wHERE its  _ 2.30am in the morning _

Junnie: ;)

Jaemin sniffs, using the back of his hand to aggressively wipe away his tears. He tears the charger out of his phone, pocketing it as he slides off the bed. Patting the moomin slightly, he silently apologises for squashing it as he sneaks out of his room slowly. He tiptoes quietly past his parents’ room and all the way to the front door. Opening it, he is greeted with the back view of Renjun’s impressive shoulders as the boy stands at his driveway, looking up at the sky.

Renjun whips around, startled by the sound of the door opening. He gives Jaemin a wide gummy smile, instantly causing Jaemin’s heart to do a little flip.

“Let’s go!” Renjun grins wide and happy, reaching out to hold Jaemin’s hand, interlocking their fingers. Jaemin’s heart starts palpitating like crazy, doing somersaults all of the place. If only Renjun knew how whipped he was for him. He shyly ducks his head, trying to hide the spreading blush on his face.

“Where?” 

“You’ll know once we get there!”

“You know I don’t like surprises.”

“But you love me!”

Jaemin stops breathing for a second, his whole body suddenly malfunctioning. “Ju-just start walking,” Jaemin stutters uncharacteristically, almost tripping over himself as he walks forward, dragging Renjun with him.  _ Cute, _ Renjun thinks, smiling like an idiot at his boyfriend’s flustered actions.

 

-

 

“HUANG RENJUN where did you get a car from?!” Jaemin shrieks hysterically, hands gesturing from the car to Renjun and back again wildly. Renjun doubles over laughing. Jaemin, still panicking, slaps Renjun multiple times in an attempt to stop his manic laughter. “Ow ow ow! Okay okay stop abusing me!” Renjun wipes away the stray tears from laughing too hard. “I got this from my brother’s boyfriend, he owed me,” Renjun explains, going to unlock the car.

“You got Yuta to part with his baby?”

“Don’t underestimate me Nana, besides Yuta’s baby isn’t his car, it’s Sicheng,”

“...you’re right.”

“So, you gonna get in or what princess?”

“....”

Renjun smirks at him from the driver seat, and Jaemin knows he’s a goner.

 

-

 

Jaemin shivers slightly as he steps out of the car, his shoes sinking into the soft sand. He walks out towards the shoreline, gaping in wonder at the view. He takes in the sound of waves rushing to meet the land, the slight ruffle of the breeze against his skin, the beautiful stars hanging up on the sky, illuminating the water and making it glow a brilliant golden colour, almost the same colour as Renjun’s hair. Something rustles behind him, then a jacket is being draped over his shoulders. He turns around to see his boyfriend staring at him, a slight smile on his face. The two of them walk hand in hand towards the water, sitting a slight distance away from the shoreline on the blanket that Renjun had laid out.

He leans into Renjun, taking comfort in his warmth as Renjun drapes an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

“...do you, want to talk?”

Jaemin shakes his head.

“....are you sad?”

Jaemin comtemplates slightly, staying silent. He finally gives a small nod.

“Do you want to tell me why?”

Jaemin doesn’t reply. Instead, he rests his head on Renjun’s lap, closing his eyes as he feels fingers softly brushing through his hair. Both of them sit there silently, listening to the sound of the waves and each other’s breaths.

A few minutes pass, and Jaemin inhales sharply. Renjun immediately focuses his attention on him.

“My teacher, she...she said that maybe I wasn’t cut out for nursing,” Jaemin’s voice trembles slightly.

Renjun calls upon every ounce of his self control to not immediately stand up and go to Jaemin’s teacher and demand an apology. He sits up, causing Jaemin to do so too. Jaemin stares into Renjun’s eyes, feeling the tears welling up slowly.

Renjun takes a deep breath, then he grabs Jaemin’s hands tightly, gazing imploringly into his eyes. 

“Na Jaemin, you listen to me well and you get this into your head got it? Fuck your teacher, because she doesn’t get to tell you you’re not cut out for nursing, not when she’s never seen you stay up all night worrying for that little girl in the hospital that the doctors said might not make it and she’s never seen you break down and cry when that girl lived through her surgery. You might be a little too tall and a little too thin but your heart is so big and made of absolute gold Jaemin, you may not see it but everyone around you does, they see a beautiful caring boy that always does his best for everyone he nurses, i see a fucking  _ angel _ in you Na Jaemin, don’t you dare let anyone tell you that you’re not cut out for your dream because you are, you are and i believe in you with my whole heart.”

And Jaemin sees the way Renjun stares at him, so full of love and faith. In that moment, he feels invincible. He swallows his tears, eyes dry and heart so full of love and trust and everything sweet and good in life as he kisses Renjun sweetly, melting into his embrace and feeling the other boy hug him back just as firmly.

Jaemin and Renjun spend the night locked in an embrace, forgetting the harsh words and cold glares trying to tear them down as they slowly fall asleep.

 

-

 

“Renjun look! Look!! It’s the sunrise!” Jaemin calls excitedly, shaking Renjun awake. “It’s so beautiful!!” 

Renjun blinks, groggily rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he peers out towards the horizon. Then he does a double take  _ woah _ , jaemin looks so pretty standing there as the light from the sun hits him, making him glow bright golden and Renjun swears he saw a halo form on Jaemin’s head before he blinks and it’s gone.

Jaemin turns back, waiting for a reply.

“You’re beautiful.”


End file.
